I think I spend most of my time these days horizontal, instead of vertical or sitting up straight. And I'm not including sleeping, which I tend to get a bit of. Getting a laptop may have been the most convenient and unhealthy thing I have ever done for myself. I have this large living space. And I only live in 1/24th of it. One of my personal resolutions for the sake of having resolutions is to quit saying "like." I like say like like all of the time. You never realize all this funny shit you say until you hear yourself on a podcast interview. Or someone points it out to you, and then you listen to other people speak and they're (I almost said like) always saying "uh" "um" "uhhhhhmmm." And you laugh secretly because you think you are better than them because you are noticing their lack of whatever you call it in public speaking but if you were to do it yourself, you'd be a stammering mess. Am I the only person that will admit that? I judge other people for their faults where I do not match up as well.
I have also become a recluse. I exist primarily in the dark. The rain is outside. And it never. goes. away.
I never actually realized how much I really love summer. Believe me, it's not for the short shorts, or the bathing suits or the fake tans. None of those really apply to me. I guess I could hypothetically look alright in a bathing suit. Maybe if I'm in a pool or it makes my boobs look really nice (but really, what doesn't make my boobs look nice?) ((OH GOD, who will read this?)) But DEFINITELY never for the short shorts. Maybe the cute skirts, and the flowers and the happiness that everyone gets when it's spring time and pollen is in the air penetrating brains faking blossoming love. I don't sound skeptical! This is supposed to be positive about warm weather. I always make things so negative. Another personal resolution [stop making formerly positive things negative.]
I had an intense daydream in class today (or yesterday) where I was trying to work out in my head where I wanted to live next year. And I have decided where I'm going to ask to live. I'm not, however, going to publish it on my public "blogger" because I don't know who will read this and I'm too lazy to go into some rather grandiose justification for why I want to be in that place. So we'll just see when it gets to be that time, I guess.
Anyway, back to the value of sunlight. You'd think that if I missed sunlight so much, I wouldn't sit around in the dark but you would be, of course, wrong. As usual.
I think my mom feels bad that I have no friends now that my Sara is gone. I have friends but none to eat dinner with on a regular basis. I usually eat by myself or not at all, and I tell her this and she goes "I thought you were popular...."
However, next year should be super fun times because everyone will have a meal plan even my super old friends who will live in the apartments and we can all merrily get together and swipe our cards to hopefully get better quality meals than we do now. Quesadillas every night will make you turn into fromage.
So, I think it is about time to find myself a new environment. I seem to thrive with new people. They like me a lot, or too much until they get to know me. Half the time they regret me, and the other half are just over it because I'm too much to deal with and not worth it. Or if you're one special person it is both! I want to get a part-time job but with my random meetings and semi-strenuous class schedule, I have no idea how I would be able to finagle (?) that in. I suppose 2-4 hours a week can't be that bad. But. I don't know. It's not like (this like was necessary) I could meet hoards of new people at the CCI anyway, but I did meet some cool cats last year. I'm mainly interested in new romantic prospects after writing some people out of my life completely.
That's too much information.
Blogging stops now.
