So what if I'm high maintenance?
My parents are obsessively vaccuming and checking the chemicals in the pool for their little "pool party" this afternoon. You know that anything which spawns more drama than I ever saw in high school is probably some event that I don't care to attend. But that's not the real dealbreaker, here.
*11:30AM, 83 degrees in the house*
"Hay mom, I just thought of something"
(My parents love for the temp in the house to reach at least 93 before subjecting themselves to AC)
"Yeah, hold on a minute" --scrub scrub--
--scrub--
"Ok, what?"
"I was thinking that if you turned on the AC now when it's cooler in the house instead of later you will actually be saving energy, because it won't have to work like a racehorse to cool the house down for a few hours, it will just keep at a mild temp all day long."
"Yeah, maybe if I was planning on ever turning on the AC today. I want everyone out of the house and into the pool."
"Well, I guess I have to leave early then."
The last thing I want to do is wade around in my pool among 20 shitfaced middle aged people that I don't know who are probably having a hard time controlling their bowels due to their inebriation and rapid aging, just because my mom chooses not to run the AC today.
No.
So I'll probably make the long journey back to Stockton in an hour or so. Gotta get the free AC where you can, even if it's in my delapidated ol' townhouse. Take my grilled chicken pieces to cook in pasta later tonight for when I get hungry. Maybe as a treat, I will go to Costco, it's bound to be air conditioned in that place.
Even more depressing is that I finished my book that I started on Thursday, so I have no peaceful retreat into the mind of the severely bipolar anymore. Well, unless I decide to look into myself. That's always a good time had by all.
Now I'm here just trying to figure out why my 7up has the essence of bell pepper in it.
I can't help but think of last night's festivities. We sort of had dinner as a family. My mom and my dad had chicken caesar salad. My sister had a tomato and salt, and I had some buffalo wings. Afterward, we all sit around the table and decide to play a game of Hearts. If anyone knows my dad, they know that by 3pm, faithfully each day, he's gone. He's had one too many Coors. There's no reasoning or normal conversation without being mocked, accused, yelled at, or just exchanging of words that you have the slightest idea of what he's talking about.
Each time the hand is dealt, he picks up his cards, and either says "oh, shiiiiiiiiiit." Or "what the fuck, who's dealing?" Or "Oh, oh, I'm gonna run the gamut!" And then he usually shows us his cards, because he thinks it doesn't matter whether we see or not. Then when we usually have five turns left, and he's already been handed the Queen of Spades, he just lays his cards down, says "take them, I don't give a shit"and accuses all three of us of cheating. Eventually I just told him he was annoying, and he got to 100 points, lost the game, but won to him, since he had the highest total, and I sat down on the couch and checked my gmail.
I have to go pack.
P.S. Hi Linda! I see you found my blog.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
I just re-read my post about relationships, and I am one funny bitch.
I'll try to find the inspiration to write like that more often.
Love.
I'll try to find the inspiration to write like that more often.
Love.
Monday, April 7, 2008
come to jesus
Disclaimer: This is what happens when I get 10+ hours of sleep.
Last night I got up on my soap box and started talking to one of my residents about relationships. I believe she said something like "I want a boyfriend." I responded with "no, you don't." Then I went off on some tangent about how everyone thinks that if they're in some sort of relationship, everything will be ideal, and it will complete them. Happiness until death, the end. And that's just not the case.
As I was walking to class today, I verbalized this entry in my head.
If you know me at all, you would know that when it comes to relationships, I definitely have no room to preach to anyone about successful and healthy relationships. I think it's a common disease that most people have: they are able to preach to others about what the right thing to do in their situation would be (i.e. dump him! he's an asshole, you deserve better. don't have sex until after 6 months...) but when it comes down to their own issues, they have problems abiding by their own rules that they set for everyone else. I'm just throwing this out there right now, I'm not claiming, by any means, that I take my own advice. But I should, and you should too.
So, as I was talking to this resident/friend (one who has never had a boyfriend before, waiting for a first kiss etc etc.) I go off on some tangent about how, if you're looking for a boyfriend, you should date someone who you have already established a strong friendship with. SO MANY TIMES, you meet someone, it's an instant attraction, and you are captured by the feelings and the moments that you get caught up, and you essentially start a relationship with someone you don't know. This is idealistic for a number of reasons, number one: during the first weeks of dating, you are getting to know each other. If you find out that person A loves jujubees and person B (AKA YOU) loves jujubees you're like holy fuck! it is meant to be! So basically, what you've established is a strong lustful attraction for each other and a mutual taste for jujubees, great.
Eventually, person A is going to find out/see for themselves your collection of 3,445 Beanie Babies that you have set up pyramid-style on your bed. Then there will be the really rare ones, like the purple one or something, that you don't feel comfortable sleeping with, and those will be set up in there plastic cases on your window sill staring at you as you sleep among the rest of the 3,445. Person A, upon meeting you, probably had no idea that you were a compulsive Beanie Baby hoarder. You are already dating this person. You might be having sex. Or at least giving each other hand jobs, and now that you're outed as a freak, person A has doubts about your relationship.
If person A and person B had been good friends before dating, person A probably would have known about the Beanie Baby fetish, dealt with it, and gone through with the dating anyway. If person A had a problem with the Beanie Baby thing, obviously a relationship would have never blossomed. So, as you can see, by being good friends with your dating partner before the blossoming of a relationship can be a good idea.
Of course, beanies babies can be metaphors for many different things. Cutting. Passive aggressive behavior. An unhealthy obsession with Bono. Preference for blue raspberry slushies. Jagged toenails. The possibilities are endless.
So basically, here is your pickle. You're having sex with someone who hoards Beanie Babies. How to get out of this situation. Person A, starts backing away...person B is offended. They have a Come to Jesus conversation:
"but but....you've seen me naked!"
"it's just not going to work out..we're too different, i haven't fallen in love with you yet."
"i just don't understand how we were naked together yesterday and just because you saw my beanie babies all of a sudden our mutual nudity meant nothing to you!"
"i just can't be that for you anymore. i thought i could but i was wrong."
Person B feels a compulsion to try to change for person A. It baffles person B that things could have been perfect 10 hours before, but now they can't help but feel inadequate and used. There is a need for justification of self. Person B cuts the Beanie Baby stash in half. Maybe stocks a few under the bed now. Person A has moment of weakness, person B feels temporarily validated but a few days later, they still have the same conversation over again.
Person B is just fucked.
So, friends, make sure you KNOW the person you're dating before you agree to a relationship with them. Someone isn't just going to knock on your dorm room door one day and be like tada! we're in love! It just doesn't work that way. Being in a healthy relationship (if one exists) is something that takes a long time and a lot of work. The same goes for falling in love with someone. This is built upon a lot of work, sacrifice and time. You can't rush into it. You're not going to know instantly.
And I'm not going to assume that all relationships are going to be spawned from healthy friendships from here on out just because I wrote a blog entry on Beanie Babies. All of the relationships I've ever had have not come out of stable friendships. They have spawned from random meetings and lustful feelings. And I'm not guaranteeing that it's not going to happen again, or that person B will have learned from his/her mistakes. I'm just throwing it out there.
Relationships are hard work, and they're not always fun. You aren't going to be happy all of the time. I would say 85% of the people I know who are married or in long term relationships are miserable more than they are happy. They fight more than they love. Their relationship still exists because they are afraid to go it alone. I can only imagine what it would feel like to be alone after the companionship of a long-term serious relationship. But that's no reason to extend your stay in Shitville.
There are always going to be defensive women who feel threatened. There is always going to be one person who needs more sex than the other and is offended when they don't get it. There will always be a need to validate one another.
I think that, essentially, all people ever want out of any sort of relationship they have is validation. Some sort of sign that the choices they have made with their life aren't all a joke. Validation is needed in friendships, in jobs, in school, and most importantly, in relationships.
/End soap box rant.
Last night I got up on my soap box and started talking to one of my residents about relationships. I believe she said something like "I want a boyfriend." I responded with "no, you don't." Then I went off on some tangent about how everyone thinks that if they're in some sort of relationship, everything will be ideal, and it will complete them. Happiness until death, the end. And that's just not the case.
As I was walking to class today, I verbalized this entry in my head.
If you know me at all, you would know that when it comes to relationships, I definitely have no room to preach to anyone about successful and healthy relationships. I think it's a common disease that most people have: they are able to preach to others about what the right thing to do in their situation would be (i.e. dump him! he's an asshole, you deserve better. don't have sex until after 6 months...) but when it comes down to their own issues, they have problems abiding by their own rules that they set for everyone else. I'm just throwing this out there right now, I'm not claiming, by any means, that I take my own advice. But I should, and you should too.
So, as I was talking to this resident/friend (one who has never had a boyfriend before, waiting for a first kiss etc etc.) I go off on some tangent about how, if you're looking for a boyfriend, you should date someone who you have already established a strong friendship with. SO MANY TIMES, you meet someone, it's an instant attraction, and you are captured by the feelings and the moments that you get caught up, and you essentially start a relationship with someone you don't know. This is idealistic for a number of reasons, number one: during the first weeks of dating, you are getting to know each other. If you find out that person A loves jujubees and person B (AKA YOU) loves jujubees you're like holy fuck! it is meant to be! So basically, what you've established is a strong lustful attraction for each other and a mutual taste for jujubees, great.
Eventually, person A is going to find out/see for themselves your collection of 3,445 Beanie Babies that you have set up pyramid-style on your bed. Then there will be the really rare ones, like the purple one or something, that you don't feel comfortable sleeping with, and those will be set up in there plastic cases on your window sill staring at you as you sleep among the rest of the 3,445. Person A, upon meeting you, probably had no idea that you were a compulsive Beanie Baby hoarder. You are already dating this person. You might be having sex. Or at least giving each other hand jobs, and now that you're outed as a freak, person A has doubts about your relationship.
If person A and person B had been good friends before dating, person A probably would have known about the Beanie Baby fetish, dealt with it, and gone through with the dating anyway. If person A had a problem with the Beanie Baby thing, obviously a relationship would have never blossomed. So, as you can see, by being good friends with your dating partner before the blossoming of a relationship can be a good idea.
Of course, beanies babies can be metaphors for many different things. Cutting. Passive aggressive behavior. An unhealthy obsession with Bono. Preference for blue raspberry slushies. Jagged toenails. The possibilities are endless.
So basically, here is your pickle. You're having sex with someone who hoards Beanie Babies. How to get out of this situation. Person A, starts backing away...person B is offended. They have a Come to Jesus conversation:
"but but....you've seen me naked!"
"it's just not going to work out..we're too different, i haven't fallen in love with you yet."
"i just don't understand how we were naked together yesterday and just because you saw my beanie babies all of a sudden our mutual nudity meant nothing to you!"
"i just can't be that for you anymore. i thought i could but i was wrong."
Person B feels a compulsion to try to change for person A. It baffles person B that things could have been perfect 10 hours before, but now they can't help but feel inadequate and used. There is a need for justification of self. Person B cuts the Beanie Baby stash in half. Maybe stocks a few under the bed now. Person A has moment of weakness, person B feels temporarily validated but a few days later, they still have the same conversation over again.
Person B is just fucked.
So, friends, make sure you KNOW the person you're dating before you agree to a relationship with them. Someone isn't just going to knock on your dorm room door one day and be like tada! we're in love! It just doesn't work that way. Being in a healthy relationship (if one exists) is something that takes a long time and a lot of work. The same goes for falling in love with someone. This is built upon a lot of work, sacrifice and time. You can't rush into it. You're not going to know instantly.
And I'm not going to assume that all relationships are going to be spawned from healthy friendships from here on out just because I wrote a blog entry on Beanie Babies. All of the relationships I've ever had have not come out of stable friendships. They have spawned from random meetings and lustful feelings. And I'm not guaranteeing that it's not going to happen again, or that person B will have learned from his/her mistakes. I'm just throwing it out there.
Relationships are hard work, and they're not always fun. You aren't going to be happy all of the time. I would say 85% of the people I know who are married or in long term relationships are miserable more than they are happy. They fight more than they love. Their relationship still exists because they are afraid to go it alone. I can only imagine what it would feel like to be alone after the companionship of a long-term serious relationship. But that's no reason to extend your stay in Shitville.
There are always going to be defensive women who feel threatened. There is always going to be one person who needs more sex than the other and is offended when they don't get it. There will always be a need to validate one another.
I think that, essentially, all people ever want out of any sort of relationship they have is validation. Some sort of sign that the choices they have made with their life aren't all a joke. Validation is needed in friendships, in jobs, in school, and most importantly, in relationships.
/End soap box rant.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
into the ocean
I'm not sure I can ever top my last entry, and I'm not going to try. If I ever do, it won't be because I tried to. It will be because I am just that good of a comical blogger to come up with such genius writings.
Since I advertise this blog on MySpace, and am easily found through Nic's blog which is advertised through Facebook, I am limited to the topics of which I can truly share my honest opinion. I have to omit love life (or lack there of? like to keep ya guessing), work woes, guys who suck, and really personal emo razor type of things that might have me committed.
I've had a pretty good week for various reasons. Some reasons I can tell you about, others I can not. The first reason is that I have been keeping myself relatively busy. Even though it's exhausting, at the end of the day I feel fulfilled. And that's saying something -- "at the end of the day I feel fulfilled" -- with the dining hall serving what it claims is "sustenance." There is still a bunch of things I have to do. I have to find people who drink alcohol and convince them to fill out my questionnaire. I have to apply for three different jobs. I have to maintain sanity through my PAINFUL Sex & Gender course. I'm sorry but so-called feminists are not my friend. You know who's also not my friend? People who ARGUE ABOUT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.
It was about this time last year when I started applying for summer camp jobs, and got hired for Brookwood. I imagine a bunch of innocent, vulnerable people are experiencing what I went through right now. And they don't even know what they are getting themselves into. I don't know. I guess Brookwood may have been fun for some people, those who weren't faux-lifeguards and didn't have any ties to some guy named Mark. I think that would have just made it boring though. I am intent on staying in Stockton this summer for sure, and when I am eating the food I cook or buy for myself every night, I will think of those suckers in Glen Spey, NY and their chicken nuggets and grape drink.
Ugh, I cannot even imagine what it would be like if I were to go back. I seriously have occasional nightmares about it.
I need to pay my parking tickets that were due in December. YUCK.
My headache has spread to my neck.
Since I advertise this blog on MySpace, and am easily found through Nic's blog which is advertised through Facebook, I am limited to the topics of which I can truly share my honest opinion. I have to omit love life (or lack there of? like to keep ya guessing), work woes, guys who suck, and really personal emo razor type of things that might have me committed.
I've had a pretty good week for various reasons. Some reasons I can tell you about, others I can not. The first reason is that I have been keeping myself relatively busy. Even though it's exhausting, at the end of the day I feel fulfilled. And that's saying something -- "at the end of the day I feel fulfilled" -- with the dining hall serving what it claims is "sustenance." There is still a bunch of things I have to do. I have to find people who drink alcohol and convince them to fill out my questionnaire. I have to apply for three different jobs. I have to maintain sanity through my PAINFUL Sex & Gender course. I'm sorry but so-called feminists are not my friend. You know who's also not my friend? People who ARGUE ABOUT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS.
It was about this time last year when I started applying for summer camp jobs, and got hired for Brookwood. I imagine a bunch of innocent, vulnerable people are experiencing what I went through right now. And they don't even know what they are getting themselves into. I don't know. I guess Brookwood may have been fun for some people, those who weren't faux-lifeguards and didn't have any ties to some guy named Mark. I think that would have just made it boring though. I am intent on staying in Stockton this summer for sure, and when I am eating the food I cook or buy for myself every night, I will think of those suckers in Glen Spey, NY and their chicken nuggets and grape drink.
Ugh, I cannot even imagine what it would be like if I were to go back. I seriously have occasional nightmares about it.
I need to pay my parking tickets that were due in December. YUCK.
My headache has spread to my neck.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
preggers!
In my opinion, at least, coming from my hometown is that we produce one of two people. Those who go to college, and those who do not. Those who do not go to college end up pregnant within three years of graduating high school. The really talented ones achieve their knocked up status in high school. I was reminded of someone I used to know in junior high today, so I tried to look him up on myspace even though his last name escapes me right now. I found him--but on his page, I also found his comments flooded with friendly hello's from girls I knew in high school with babies in their profile pictures. Unwed girls, single girls. I think that if I ever do become a psychologist with a Ph.D. I am gong to focus my research on the girls "left behind" because this is a crazy phenomena. I guess that's what they stay back to do, right? It's either that or continue working at Target as a cashier WITHOUT a child. Hell, might as well get it over with. And the guys they do it with, my god. So ugly. My best friend from junior high got pregnant our senior year of high school, got married before we graduated to the supposed baby daddy, and is now divorced and living with her parents again. These kids that I literally went to Kindergarten with, girl scouts, you name it. All knocked up. Jiminy crickets. It makes sense, I guess. There really is nothing to do in your hometown after high school but get trashed, high and have sex all the time when you're not calling in sick to your retail job.
His last name just came to me.
I think the concept of getting pregnant is some sort of false self-esteem booster. It is so glamourized these days. So you're too dumb to go to college, have a kid! It will give you a purpose and people might pay attention to you, at least for nine months until it pops out and we find out how ugly it is. Since when did having ugly babies with ugly guys become fashionable?
See you at Target, baby weight.
His last name just came to me.
I think the concept of getting pregnant is some sort of false self-esteem booster. It is so glamourized these days. So you're too dumb to go to college, have a kid! It will give you a purpose and people might pay attention to you, at least for nine months until it pops out and we find out how ugly it is. Since when did having ugly babies with ugly guys become fashionable?
See you at Target, baby weight.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
kbyeeeee
My room is MR. CLEAN and no one is here to admire it except for my smelly residents. Who mess it up again.
Nicolle, why am I not on your side bar under "websites I don't hate"?
Is it because I don't know how to make my blogger super fancy?
I fear I cannot match up.
But at least I don't have an evil pup like Tater.
Wheel of Fortune will soon be on YouTube, so that will be fun, I think.
I think I want to make fried chicken in my kitchen now that it is clean. But that will just make it dirty. It was sooo good this weekend though. My mom and I were brainstorming what we should have for dinner, and I found some frozen chicken, so I was like oh hey, let's fry it. She was also whipping up some corn bread mix at the time, and I said save some of that and we'll dip the chicken in it.
So we did, and it was such deliciousness.
I'd also want to make cupcakes too, but I don't have the right pan and I'm not motivated enough to go out and buy one.
I guess this is just my brain revolting from dining hall food with all of these weird ideas about cooking.
Wouldn't that be awesome if we could make waffles for dinner?
Nicolle, why am I not on your side bar under "websites I don't hate"?
Is it because I don't know how to make my blogger super fancy?
I fear I cannot match up.
But at least I don't have an evil pup like Tater.
Wheel of Fortune will soon be on YouTube, so that will be fun, I think.
I think I want to make fried chicken in my kitchen now that it is clean. But that will just make it dirty. It was sooo good this weekend though. My mom and I were brainstorming what we should have for dinner, and I found some frozen chicken, so I was like oh hey, let's fry it. She was also whipping up some corn bread mix at the time, and I said save some of that and we'll dip the chicken in it.
So we did, and it was such deliciousness.
I'd also want to make cupcakes too, but I don't have the right pan and I'm not motivated enough to go out and buy one.
I guess this is just my brain revolting from dining hall food with all of these weird ideas about cooking.
Wouldn't that be awesome if we could make waffles for dinner?
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
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